I don't know, i'm just talking!
an introduction
Here’s where it starts — I’m dog-earring every moment of clarity & whatever it counts for. Rhythmically getting in & out of bed at 8am & drinking coffee twice a day. Writing when I feel inspired. Playing cards. Studying chess theory. Doing all of my New York Times’ games & going to work. Recycle, rinse, repeat. Hello!
I decided to start posting on Substack because I wanted to find a way to connect with people outside of music. And, honestly, I just like to write. The first career path I ever considered at the ripe age of nine was that of a novelist. Science fiction, mystery, the works. Nowadays, I think writing long-form pieces serves as the proverbial “trail of breadcrumbs” through my early 20s. Overconsumption has rotted my brain out as much as the next guy’s. Intellectual obesity is a properly modern crisis. It takes a special level of attention to witness, experience, and internalize your own life. At least, for me. So I think it’s important to write it down. Just an added bonus if anything I say makes sense to anyone else.
An introduction (sort of):
My debut EP, “I Exist Because You Say So,” came out almost a year ago to-date. I haven’t put out new music since then, which has made me feel strange. I’ve been writing my favorite songs I’ve ever written, but still feel like I’m underperforming. My metrics are all off — creating just to create used to be enough. It’s been a weird thing to grapple with.
me performing (something) at a recital with my guitar teacher, Eric, circa 2013 (10 yrs. old)
Revising and recording the next batch of songs has felt way more laborious than I remembered. The stakes feel higher somehow. I’m approaching the next project with deeper intention & care than I even knew I was capable of; there’s pleasure in this, but also, it’s a little bit terrifying to go all-in on myself & my art. It’s a massive financial & emotional commitment. I’m feeling all of this newly, in a way I haven’t before. Of course, mostly I’m just plain excited. But excitement and fear always seem to be shaking hands & making arrangements, negotiating, etc.
Learning & trying & failing & growing is ultimately painful but incredibly beautiful. In my opinion, it’s an essential part of the human experience. I’m much less scared of messing up than I am of standing still. I never want to feel like I missed out on my own life.
But I don’t know, I’m just talking!
The brighter side is that it’s getting warmer out & I bought ravioli. I’m going to Australia in about a week & then New Zealand & then I turn 22 (edit: all of these things have already happened). I’ll always consider myself to be stupid lucky — which is in no way an attempt to discredit the anxiety and insecurity I’ve been feeling in the past few weeks, but, maintaining an underbelly of gratitude certainly makes things feel less consequential.
me & my friends Liv & Linnea in Queenstown, New Zealand (ish), circa March 2025 (22 yrs. old)
Really, the only consequence for not living your life the way you want to is exactly that. Indulging relationships that don’t serve you, overextending yourself, mindless consumption, living in your head. There’s no need for my iteration. The time is limited but we know that.
All of that to say that I’m looking forward to big bowls of soup & rope swings & creating art from an honest place. I’m looking forward to practicing letting go of expectations & trusting in myself & the greater universe. I’m so excited to share new songs with you, really very soon but also in due time! I’ll keep writing/sharing on here so you can know what I’m up to & so I can leave a couple of sticky fingerprints on the pages of my memory. I hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. And finding beauty in the eternal change!!!
Cheers to the beginning!
Kindly,
Hana
i’m your biggest fan tbh
My girl♥️